Yesterday was a great day! I have been hanging out with this guy Cory, he has two boys. Well they all came over for dinner last night and his boys and Caleb played to well together! They are adorable and well mannered too! They plaayed outside and in Caleb's room and them watched a movie. Cory and I talked and enjoyed a bottle of wine. I also made him watch American Idol with me LOL. Which is not his thing at all., but he was a trooper! When they left Caleb was sad, he wanted to know when his friends would be coming back. So I think I might have found a good fit for Caleb and me. We will see though.
   On a not so good note I have been having a hard time with Caleb at daycare. He is really good when he is not with Gabe. The daycare told me they are having issues with behavior with Gabe and when Caleb is arould him he wornt listen. So as a parent do I tell Caleb not to play with him? And no matter what I do I will be the bad guy because Gabe is Calebs dads stepson. I dotn want to tell Caleb who he can and cant play with, but I dont need my son acting like a brat at school, especially when I have been working so hard to get him to behave. What to do?????

Nearing the end

Nothing like last minute. I dont know where the time went but as we end the spring semester I find myself in crunch time. My 10 page research paper for anthropology was due last night at midnight and I submitted it at 11:57pm! Wow! So not like me to wait till the last minute but this semester has been full of challenges. Everything from family issues to being 25 years old and still trying to find myself has really put some barriers in my way. Now I have a anthropology test to take by friday and I really need to do well on it or Im sure I will be retaking the class. If I do that I will for sure lose my Grant and Financial Aid. I dont even want to think about that. Now Im looking at the assignments that are due within the next two weeks and I have a project paper due on Monday. 8-12 pages! Ugh..... It will be easy because I read the books and I have ideas, my problem is putting the ideas on paper and having them make sense. To top it off, I know I shouldnt go to Oregon this weekend because I have so much homework, but I promised my niece I would be at her state gymnatics tournament. A promise is a promise. I dont care if she is only 7. I cant miss it and dont want to. It just means that this week I will on average get 4 hours of sleep. Oh adn a little side note, NEVER ASK FOR AN EXTRA SHOT IN YOUR COFFEE AND THEN DRINK A MT. DEW AFTER THAT. YOU WILL NEVER GET TO SLEEP! Well Im just glad this semester is almost over and I can start fresh this summer. Hopefully Im more motivated this summer. Oh and on a totally different topic, Caleb is now out of pull ups!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! We have not had an accident in over a week. Im so proud of him!
   I stumbled upon this quote this weekend. Not sure who said it but it had really inspired me. I keep telling myself the stress and tears are going to be worth it soon. This quote put my life into perspective.

 

"Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow."

  What a great Easter! Good thing I only have one kid because I would be broke if I had more! Well the weekend was interesting. I went on a date friday night with a guy who has two kids. Never thought I would date anyone that has one kid let alone 2! Well, Im openminded and glad I decided to be. He is a great guy. He is raising his boys by himself. We went to dinner then went bowling. It was great fun.
   On friday night my brother had a birthday party for his girlfriend (who is not my favorite person). I got home saturday at 1130 and they were still sleeping and the house was a mess! Well, I started to clean up because I didnt want Caleb to grab a beer can or think that a jello shot was actual jello. When they woke up, they laid on the couch and watched me clean. She didnt lift a finger adn my brother just took out the trash. Woo flippin hoo! I was not happy and when I see my brother we will have words. Sunday was better, Caleb and I met my parents at church and Caleb was really good. Then we spent the day at their house. It was absolutely beautiful outside. Caleb played outside all day with the neighbor kids and they were so good with him. Last night I began my research paper. Ugh.... why do I wait till the last minute to do things. It is due tonight at midnight and I have only written three pages of a 10 page research paper. Of course the paper is in my least favorite class. Oh well, I will just have to bust it out tinight after work.

Do bad things happen in threes??????

So I have been trying very hard to stay optimistic about life and all my challenges. I know people have it worse than I do so I should thank my lucky starts but things have been happening and I feel like throwing in the towel. I have been having some medical issues and spending way more money than I have to get everything taken care of. The last few days have been physically and enotionally painful. Then I get a call from the health and welfare saying my son doesnt have health insurance because his dad is supposed to carry Caleb for the insurance. Well, Caleb is a sick kid having him on Medicaid is the best thing because I cant afford to pay the insurance. If it is in Calebs dads hands to give me money for insurance every month he wont do it. Then Im really screwed. Especially since I cant work this summer and Im having to live off my tax money. His dad is also supposed to pay 62% of daycare and has never paid a dime!!!!!! Im freaking out! So now my three year old has no medical insurance and I cant put him on my insurance because im quiting for the summer PACE program. I think my best bet is to take Caleb's dad to court and sue him for daycare and medical expenses. I dont want to have to do that because I will end up looking like the bad guy like I always do. Then I find out that I have been giving my brother rent money to help him pay the mortgage and he is already two month behind! So if he doesnt get caught up on the payments, Caleb amnd I will be looking for another place. I cant handle all this! I feel like Im alone against this crazy world.

Easter

Coming from a Catholic family, Easter has always been a big special holiday for us. Sadly, my sister is not able to come home for Easter and my brother is going to Hope, Idaho so spend the weekend with his girlfriends family. I realize us kids are getting older and we are going to start having our own family traditions but its still sad that we wil not all be together in this special day. Well, here is where my dilemma lies. So since Matt is not going to be here, and neither is Amanda, it will just be Mikey, and me and Caleb with mom and dad on Easter. My dad had this idea (which is stupid), to go to Easter Mass on Saturday night because it is the mass where the new Catholics get publicly introduced at church and where the high schoolers receive their conformation. This Mass begins at 8pm because it has to start after sundown traditionally. Well, I asked my dad, "do you really think Caleb is going to be good at an hour and a half mass that will take place well after his bedtime?" He said, well I want to see the kids receive conformation and I want to see the new Catholics be introduced. You and Caleb can go to Easter Mass by yourselves. This really hurt me. I know it is just one Mass but it has been such a family thing for as long as I can remember, it just hurt that he would even mention that. It would be different if I had a husband or even a boyfriend to go to mass with me. Then I would feel more like a family. I know my reasoning sounds stupid and I dont need a man to feel like a family, but it is not the same. It sucks, its like my sister has her husband and her kids, Matt has his girlfriend, Mikey will either go with our parents or with his girlfriends parents and I have no one. Ugh..... I promised I wouldn't whine about my life.   

Nervous

So tomorrow is the day. Orientation and interview for phase 1 in the PACE program. Im not sure what to expect or what to bring. All the email said was basically dress nice! Common sense is telling me to bring a notepad and a pen to write things down because I have a horrible memory. Also I did write down the classes I want to take in the fall to make sure they are what I need for the program. Hopefully all goes well tomorrow.

After the interview and orientation, I have to hall butt to a birthday party for my friends little man. Its all the way in Colbert WA and is at 2pm. Im praying we can make it there in time. My friends hubby is in the military in Afghanistan right now but is coming home in June to his station in NC. So Katie is packing up and moving back to NC. Im sad she is leaving me again but happy she will be with her hubby soon. The birthday party is probably the last time I will see her for a long time :(

Well, I better leave on a good note. Tonight I had bunco with the ladies and I won most losses! Woohoo! Nothin beats bunco and wine with the ladies :)  

Spring????????

Spring really????? I beg to differ. Its freezing outside still! Hello mother nature, figure it out already! Im so tired of being cold and this weather is making me all depressed. Not to mention I have this nasty cough Im trying to get rid of. My throat is killing me. Im just grateful that Caleb hasnt caught it yet! Hopefully he doesnt. April has been the busiest month so far this year. I have soooo many projects and research papers due, the interviews for the PACE program, and apparently all my girlfriends decided to have babies in the month of April. I have been to 3 birthday parties already and I have one on Saturday and one Sunday. Im going broke and Im sure Caleb is wondering when its his turn lol. So some of you have been curious about how the living situation is going. Well..... its ok, rather drama free which is good for the time being. I still cant stand the girlfriend. She bugs the crap out of me. Way too girly and always thinking about how everyone else needs psychological help. Really girl, look in the mirror! And just because you are a psych major doesnt mean you can psychoanalysis my dating life! Oh well I will play nice because I love my brother. Sometimes I hate being the bigger person haha. I am pretty excited to head down to Oregon the end of the month. My niece qualified for the state gymnastics tournament so obviously I have to watch her!!!!!!!! It will be a nice well deserved break. Well, I really have nothing else to say. Im tired and I think part of my brain is already asleep so I think the other part is about to join in on the slumber.

Oh my oh my! Last weekend was a blast. The surprise 50th birthday party for my dad was a success! We had so much fun and my sister and her hubby and there kids came. That just topped off the surprise! My mom made cheese cake cupcakes that were sooo not on my diet but oh well, they were delicious. After my dads party my family and I headed to Toro Viejo for my brother in laws brothers birthday party. It was at the bar that was connected to the restaurant so the kids were allowed to go in their. And since they own the restaurant, it was free margaritas. I was in heaven! So as you could probably guess, none of us made it to church sunday morning. Lat weekend was a very rare occasion where all 4 of us kids and all the grandkids were in the same room together! It was so nice. We talked and laughed. It was great. I think my dad had a great time for his birthday weekend. Oh and Caleb and I are going to Oregon the last weekend in April to watch my niece compete in the state gymnastics meet. I cant wait for that! Basically life is good. It has not gone as planned but I wouldnt take back one day of this crazy life!

More American Idol!!!!!!

Ok so tonight was soooooo disappointing! Pia was great. I really thought she would be in the final three. I guess this is what I get for not voting! America really got it wrong this time. I was crying at the end of it. Even the judges were in awe of the results. Oh well, the show is like a sick addiction for me. I have to watch it every week. Im not happy but I guess I put my faith in Casey and Hailey!
 
So Im playing catch up on my assignments. Not sure how I fell so far behind but I did. Im exhausted and I have an assignment due tonight, two due tomorrow night and one saturday night. And to top it off I have family in town all weekend for my dads 50th birthday. Yep Im pretty much not getting any sleep till Sunday night. Oh well, I get to see my niece and three nephews so Im super excited! Oh and on a totally different note, Caleb is out of pull ups at night!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats gonna save me some cash monies!!!!!!!

Tool

These last few months I have met some really neat people. On guy I met through my cousin is very much into music like I am. But while Im the country music buff, he like the rock genre. He has been having me listen to a band called Tool and once called Shine Down. Both by the way, amazing! The lyrics are beautiful and the music is just great. I have defiantly expanded my musical preference.

I have been so exhausted these last two days. Im playing catch up on homework and Caleb has not been sleeping very well so in turn I dont sleep very well. Also he has been coming into my room to sleep the last two nights. Im not sure what his deal is lately but Im losing valuable sleep! Also I think this whole party planning for my dad is stressing me out too. There is so much to do before Saturday and I still have to work and do homework. Not sure how this is going to pan out but I can tell you one thing...... IM SOOOOOO excited to see my sister and the kids and her hubby! Im so happy they are coming and our dad is going to be so surprised! Minus being tired all the flippin time, things are good. Living with my brother is a breeze (minus the snatch) and I can wait to see my sister so, Im a happy girl!

family day

Saturday morning was hectic. Caleb and I rushed to my parents house to help with the garden in the back yard. In the hail/rain we had all day, it was interesting trying to put up cinder blocks and dirt. It was a great family day overall. When the weather finally decided to cooperate we played basketball and soccer in the back yard. After the projects were done, Caleb and I went shopping again. Sunday was a typical day, church, breakfast with mom and dad then games in the back yard. We set up the polish golf game and my mom (who has no athletic ability) kick our butt. After hanging out with mom and dad, Caleb and I went for a walk down to one of the schools here in town, then went to Walmart. It was a fun relaxing day. I love my weekends so much. I do wish I didnt have to work so I could stay home and be with little man and focus on school but life isnt always the way we want. If I stopped going shopping I could afford to stay home but thats not likely to happen.

So on a totally different note, Caleb has been so funny lately. He has been saying the best things ever from quoting movies to blurting out randomness. Today at church he pointed to an older lady that was sitting behind us and pointed and said, mom she is really short. It was hard not to laugh because he has no filter but I held in the laughter. He also told me that he was smarter than me. I told him well someday Im sure you will be. Lately I have been realizing the blessings I have in my life. The simple fact that I get to spend so much time with my family on the weekends and being with my son on the weekends is such a blessing.

repairs

  My brother has a 3 bedroom 2 bath rancher style home in an older neighborhood here in Post Falls. The inside is updated with stainless steel appliances, granite counters and new tile. The whole house has hardwood flooring and the bedrooms have new carpet. The backyard on the other hand is well.... it needs some tlc. There was  a big pond in the corner of the yard and my brother knew he would not keep up on the maintenance so he decided to fill it in. Well he got halfway there and never finished. The fence is falling apart and the grass is pretty dead. Also, the owners before Matt decided to put this neat brick for a patio off the deck, well it is growing moss and weeds between the brick and it looks trashy. I know it is not my job to help him fix up his house but as long as Im living here I want it to look nice. I dont mind helping at all, I like planting flowers and cleaning up the yard, it wil be good bonding for my brother and I too I think. As long as his snatch of a girlfriend isnt around to tell him what to do. She is the type that will sit on the deck with a glass of ice tea and bark orders. Gosh she repulses me. Either way Im going to have lots of projects to do before I have a bunch of people over for little man's birthday in June. This house has so much potential to be beautiful, it just needs some serious TLC!

weekends

    Caleb and I have so much fun on the weekends. I really enjoy being able to spend two days, in a row, with my little man. I finally decided it was time to get my snow tires taken off on Saturday, apparently so did everyone else in Post Falls. After sitting in the waiting area for about 30 min, I asked the lady at the front how long it was going to take. She told me about an hour and a half to two hours. That is when I called my dad to pick me and Caleb up. Although Caleb was being very good, I could only bribe him with popcorn for so long. After I got my car back I thought it would be a good idea to head into Coeur d Alene to clean my car. There is a place in town called Squeekys. Its the cheapest place to vacuum and wash your car. And the vacuum has no timer on it so you can take your time. Caleb was so funny trying to help. He wiped down the dash while I vacuumed. Seems dumb but he was so cute helping clean my car. After cleaning the car I decided to hit up the mall to get little man some new shoes. I found some sweet Nike's at JC Penneys for him and was totally shocked when the lady told me he was in a size 12. When I told her how old he was she was just as shocked as I was. She had the look of, Wow your kid is a giant! I have a feeling he is going to be taller than me sooner than I thought. After the mall Caleb and I came home and watched Despicable Me and Megamind. Both hilarious by the way. Caleb has watched Megamind three times since we got it on Friday. Today was cleaning day and once we got ready for the day my mom picked us up and we went around town to get some things for my dads 50th birthday party. We got some really neat things at the 50% off card shop and lots of over the hill items.
    So now im sad another weekend has came and went. I enjoy my weekends with my little man and I cant wait to have summers with him too!

HGTV

      So my latest vice is watching HGTV. Im really a little obsessed with it. I love seeing all the beautiful homes and I love thinking about what I want in a home someday. My favorite show is property virgins. Although I hate that they only look at three houses. When I buy a house Im sure I will look at dozens of homes. The main thing I want in my home is a fireplace and a nice kitchen. I love to cook and entertain so a large kitchen is a must. I love that I have cable now but I see how I could get addicted to TV. I have already watched 2 episodes of property virgins, 1 episode of my first place and one of selling New York. I need to get a life.
     On a totally different note. Im very excited to help my mom plan my dads 50th birthday party and my sister and her family are going to make it up here for it. I think it will be a great surprise and my dad is going to love having all 4 of his kids and 5 grand kids here for this special milestone in his life. My mom is working on the deck for the backyard as a birthday present. At there house they have a half court basketball court and a nice patio but there is a lattice fence that blocks the patio from the basketball court. We are going to break down the fence and extend the patio. I think my dad is going to love it and be very surprised.
    Also, I realized that we have a break for the 4th of July from the summer program! Woop woop! I decided Im going to spend a week with my sister in Bend Oregon. Im super excited and cant wait to focus only on school and my son! No work from the beginning of June till the end of August! Well I feel like an old lady but its 10pm and Im ready for bed!

White House Grill

I have been feeling to grateful lately. So today I went to the White House Grill with two of my best friends and all our kids. Oh and my one friend brought her hubby. We love the White House. Even though it is not very kid friendly, we dont care because the food is amazing! My friend Katie is moving to North Carolina soon so we are trying to hang out as much as possible before she leaves. Her hubby is in Afghanistan and he is stationed in North Carolina but Katie didnt want to be over there for a year with out him and no family to help with the new baby. So she decided to come home for a year. Im so happy her hubby is getting out in a couple months but Im really going to miss her. We have been friends since 8th grade and have never lost touch. It is going to be hard to say good-bye again. Im grateful for great friends for sure!

Im also really grateful that my baby boy is happy and healthy. My cousin, who is 11 now, had Leukemia when she was three and she barely survived. Im so grateful that she is better now but she is just recently having more health issues and has to come to Spokane from Lewiston tomorrow for some tests. Im praying everything will be fine. Im so grateful that my baby is healthy and I dont know how my aunt and uncle manage emotionally. The are so strong and I know their faith is what keeps then sane in these hard times.

Also, on the 17th of March it was the 5th anniversary of my grandpa's passing. This time every year is very hard for my family but we all realize he is in a better place and isnt suffering any longer. Im so grateful for my family and I feel blessed that Caleb is healthy. Although my family has experienced some tragedy, it had brought us closer together. There are no words to say how blessed I am.

back to the grind

Why is it we wish our life away? We realize we have one life to live and we should all make it the best we can and be the best people we can be right? So why is it that I catch myself saying "I wish time would speed up so I can be done with school". OMG! Im totally wishing my life to go faster than it already is. I should be telling father time to slow his roll. That was a my random thought for the day LOL.

Well my spring break was nice. I caught up on unpacking and cleaning. I spend time with friends rather that blowing them off for homework so that was nice. Although I still had to work, the week flew by. I have now realized that I should have gotten ahead on assignments(which was to original plan) because I have a few BIG projects due that have not even been started yet. Awesome! Oh well the relaxing week was worth it and now I will just have to do double time on the homework. Everyone deserves a break once in a while. I actually went out with friends without little man this weekend too. Amazing I know. I went bowling friday night and it was a blast. My bowling skills are a little below par but it was fun none the less. Well I think going to bed early would be a wise choice for someone who is more than likely going to be up till midnight doing homework the rest of the semester. So on that note, good night!

Getting caught up

Finally! The laundry is done, house is clean, bills are paid and most important....... no homework for a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank goodness! Im should be using this week to rest my little brain but instead, Im going to get ahead on some assignments so I can work on my research paper for my Anthropology class. Which I hate by the way. Well, this is a short blog because Im absolutely exhausted!

All moved in!!!!!!!!!

Well it took a very loving dad and a wonderful little brother, but I am finally moved into my brothers house :) It literally took all weekend to get my stuff to my brothers and over to storage. I have been slacking on my blog because for some reason my computer wont work. I cannot get on the internet, which is weird because he has wireless. So needless to say I will be coming to my parents house quite often. Caleb's room is adorable and my dad bought an extra rod for his closet to hang up all his clothes. I shouldnt be able to go shopping lol. My room is a lot smaller than what I had at the apartment but if just gave me extra motivation to get rid of stuff I dont need. Also, the kitchen is great! My mom and I spent two hours cleaning and organizing. It looks great. I feel a little bat that Matt's house is not a bachelor pad anymore but Im helping him so he can suck it up! Well I better get home, little man was sick all weekend while we were moving so I need to get him to bed. Hopefully my brother figures out the internet thing while we are on spring break!

sick baby :(

Coughing, fever, soar throat, and runny nose. Some smart man invented NyQuil for us adults because we act like babies when we are sick. I asked the pharmacist what I can give little man and he said that he cannot recommend anything for children under the age of six. That the best thing for a fever is Tylenol or Motrin. So because some stupid parents cant seem to use common sense when they are giving there children medicine, my little man gets nothing to help him sleep. I feel so helpless as a mom when my baby is sick. I would rather be sick everyday of the year than have my baby be sick for even one day. I made him a doctors appointment for Friday because my mom is off work and she can take him in. Gosh I hate when he is sick!  

Its been a while

Wow! I have not blogged in days! Weird LOL. Well I have been super busy lately with homework and packing. I have way more crap than I thought I did. So I have been really trying to focus on my school work and not so much about how busy and drama filled my life is. I have been thinking a lot about the future for Caleb. I have been thinking about where I want Caleb to start Kindergarten, where I eventually want to teach and where I eventually want Caleb and I to start our new life after I graduate. All these things have really been bugging me. I like to be prepared and have a plan. I guess my main concern it that Caleb is happy and well taken care of.

Well I almost have everything packed. I got the storage unit and will be putting almost everything in Friday after work. I want to get everything out of here so I can clean this place on Sunday. I really want to get my deposit back but my parents said to not get my hopes up. Apartments are sticklers when it comes to giving money back.

Oh on a totally other note, Caleb was so cute this morning. I waited till the last minute so get Caleb up for school because he looked so precious and peaceful. So at ten minutes to eight, I said; baby, it time to get up. He didnt move. Then I decided to take his blanket off him and try to pick him up. Before I could pick him up he says; "Mom stop! Im still tired! When I told him he had to get up he said I told you I will stay at home and you can go to work! Even with his little attitude I cant get upset because it is so cute! Just thought I would share that. Oh and Im super proud of him! He can count to 30 in English now and just learned to count to 10 in Spanish! I think this is pretty good considering he is only three!

All I do is complain

Seriously if this semester doesnt end soon I think Im going to really have a breakdown. I cant seem to manage my time at all. Im turning assignments in late, I totally bombed my Anthropology Exam and I even studied for it! I think it is the way the questions were stated. Seriously just because we are in college doesnt mean we have unusually large vocabulary. I had no idea what the questions were talking about. I hate essay questions! I cant fail, I have loans and grants and I refuse to work at Empire vending my whole life! Oh and moving is so stressful! I hate it! Did you know when you move out of an apartment you have to call Avista and cancel the electricity or they can keep charging you till the new tenants call and take over the address?! WTF! And I have to cancel my internet and take to equipment back to Time Warner cable and I still have to do a change of address and get the storage unit. Ugh..... I want to give up so bad it makes me sick and Im not the type to quit. And this summer program thing is stressing me out too. I dont know if I will be getting financial aid for it. If I dont I might as well drop out and move to Oregon, live with my sister and finish school there. Oh and when I picked Caleb up from daycare I saw that his glasses were all bent to shit. I was planning on going straight home and starting homework and laundry but I had to make another lovely trip to walmart's optical center to get Caleb new frames for his glasses. Needless to say we didnt get home till 7 and I still had to feed my baby, give him a bath, read him a book, say prayers and tuck him into bed. Finally at 9:15pm I started my homework. And my friends and family wonder why Im so grumpy all the time. Ok Im really done complaining. Im going to bed only to wake up to do more homework. AWESOME!

too much on my plate!

I took 5 classes last semester and I feel like I handled that better than Im handling 4 this semester. Im so stressed out about getting into the summer program. I talked to the financial aid department today. I asked them if my summer program is paid for by my financial aid. I explained to them that I have a student loan and a Pell grant. She didnt know anything, then they transferred me to my adviser who knew less than nothing. Flippin awesome! All I want is to make sure I will be in the program and that I can afford it. I will be devastated if I get in and cant afford the program. Oh and I have a SS-350 test to take by friday and I have no idea how to study for it. I know what I should know but I have a hard time with essay questions. Ugh..... not a good week. I just want it to be friday so I can sleep in on Sat, stay in my pj's all day and get caught up. Oh and to top it off I have to start packing!!!!!!!!!! Ok I think its time for a freak out! 

Weekend over :(

This weekend went by way too fast! I had so much fun with my sister. I really wish they lived closer or I did at least. For Maddisen's birthday party we went to the gym where she have gymnastics. It was so much fun and Maddie is really good. I made her show me her routine on the bars, bean and vault. She has gotten 1st place on the vault in ever one of her meets so far. Im so proud of her. The car ride home sucked though. Caleb got sick Sunday morning around 6am. He threw up at 6am, 830am and at 10am. I felt so bad for my baby. Its one thing to be sick at home but at someone elses house and in the car. That is no fun. He were about 10 miles to Biggs and he threw up again. I told my dad he will start to cry when he is about to throw up so when I say pull over I mean it. LOL. Well he didnt cry this time. I barely got the cup up to his face in time. When he was done Caleb said, "I didnt even cry that time mom". It was so cute yet so sad because I knew he felt like crap. Anyways, a 6 and a half hour trip took us 7 and a half hours because we had to stop so many times to rinse out the puck cup. I love being away but it is so nice to be home. I filled out my fafsa for fall2011/spring2012 already. I heard they were due March 1st. Oh and does the financial aid cover the summer program???? How do we pay for that? Ugh... so much to do. Oh and as if moving and school, and work and my son wasnt enough, my mom wants me to help her plan my dads 50th surprise birthday party! I think my brain is about to explode! Well when all else fails...... go to bed!

Oregon!!!!!

Im in Oregon! Yay! Gosh I love it here. Maddisen's birthday party is tomorrow at the Gymnastics Acadamy. It should be fun. I might try to bust out some old moves from my gymnastcs days.... or I might just break my back lol. Either way, it will be fun.

American Idol!!!!!!

I am all in on American Idol! I love Jennifer Lopez. She is so real and emotional. Its great to see that she cares and wants these young artists to succeed. I love music! I cant play any instruments and I'm not a very good singer but music is such a big part of my life. I agreed with most of the decisions except the very last one made me a little upset. They had Colton, JC, and Brett and they could only pick one. They chose Brett. He has a great voice but I really thought Colton was more consistent throughout the competition. I have my early favorites but I always seem to change my mind about the third week in. This is the only show I watch on tv. Im just too busy for tv. My mom always asks how I know whats going on in the world if I never watch the news. I have to remind her that there is this great thing called the internet lol. Well on a different note, Im all packed and ready for my mini vacation. I really cant wait to see my sister. I miss her so much and hate that she lives so far away. Part of me wants to drop out of school, quit my job and start over there. I will finish school over there one I get settled because I want to become a teacher sooooo bad. I dont know. God gave us this one life and I want to make the best of it. I dont want to hold back because Im scared it wont work out. I have played it safe for so long. It might be time to take a risk. Well at least not for a while, I am moving in with my brother in 2 weeks!!!! Well I do believe it is time to study for the Anthro test. I think I have realized that this blog thing is more addicting than facebook........ well maybe not, but it is close :)

funny people

I work for a vending company, Im sure I have told you all that. It gets pretty interesting sometimes. I have people call all the time for losing money. Most of the time I will tell them to put a note on the machine with how much they lost and the driver will find you at a work and reimburse the money. Well, today this lady calls and she said the machine gave her her money but it didnt give her the proper amount of change back. I asked if she worked at the college (SCC) and she said no that she was a student. I said well if you give me the time you will be at the building I will send my service tech out to meet you and give you your money back. She said ok thats fine. Then I asked her who much it was. She said, "a nickel". I started laughing. Not purposely because I could get in trouble for being rude. But I couldnt help it. A flippin nickel! Needless to say I didnt even tell the tech about it. Too bad for her. A nickel, come on people! That was the laugh of the day at the office for sure! Well, Im finally going to go to bed before midnight and it feels great! YAY for sleep!

looking ahead

Im super excited to go to Bend this weekend. My sister and her hubby and their 4 kiddos are in Bend. My niece is turning 7 on the 27th so we are headed down there for her birthday. Im excited to spend time with her and the other kids. Since they live 6 and a half hours away, I dont get to see them very often. Especially now with school, I use my weekends to catch up on school work. But I think getting out of town for a few days will be a much needed break. I was also looking ahead at some assignments for school and noticed I have an exam for Anthropology 311 that I have to do by the 26th. Ummm... I have no idea what to study for this thing! I was just thinking about reviewing the chapter we read and hoping for the best LOL. I also got a great phone call today. One of my best friends called me. It was great to hear her voice and just laugh and not talk about my drama mamma life. She lives in Menifee California and I have not seen her in almost 2 years. Her husband is in the Marines so she is there not by choice. Talking to her made me feel a lot better. She asked me what was going on in my life, I told her the gist of it and she just listened. She didnt judge me or tell me to suck it up. Sometimes I miss high school just because of my friends. There was 5 of us that were together all the time. I just miss hanging out with them all the time. We all said our kids would grow up best friends like us but that isnt going to happen. Tosha is in California, Katie is in North Carolina, Krystin is in Virginia and Michelle is in Moscow Id. But I do have to say thank goodness for Facebook because we chat and can talk all 5 of us back in forth. They are trying to convince me to get skype now. haha I probably will end up getting it although Im not very up on the technology wagon. All in all it was a much better day. I fell like my bed is finally calling my name though.

emotionally exhausted

I envy the people who have civil encounters with their child's other parent. This has been such an emotional couple of days. Im behind on homework, I cant sleep, and to top it off when Im stressed out I eat! I have been treating this blog like a journal that I can express my thoughts and feelings. I hope no one is offended by my posts. I feel that the blog has been my vice this last month or so. I honestly feel bi-polar. One day I will be happy and have energy to take on all the challenges the day holds, and the next day I have to literally crawl to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for work. Im trying to hard to stay positive but I just cant seem to keep up the facade for more than a day. This might sound a little cliche but if I didn't have Caleb I don't think I would do anything that I am doing right now. I don't think I would have the drive to go to school, and I don't think I would think much about my future. He is defiantly my driving force for everything I do. Today Caleb wanted to have popcorn and watch a movie. So he climbed on the counter and grabbed two bowls for us. He told me he wanted the one that said chicken soup on it. I said "ok but you have to be really careful because that bowl used to be your Great-Grandpa's popcorn bowl and that is very special to me. You would have loved him Caleb. He was a great man. He used to work on cars and big logging trucks." Caleb said,"Mom I will be so careful. Can I work on big trucks when I get big like my Great-Grandpa?" I told him yes and sent him to the living room with his popcorn. I started to cry. It was so sweet and I wish he could have known his Great-Grandpa. I feel like an emotional wreck lately. Like on the way to work the other day I heard they Carrie Underwood song "Temporary Home" and I started bawling when I was singing to it. What the heck is wrong with me! Well I better get some other homework done. Have not even started my Anthropology homework that was due Saturday.

So Caleb went with his dad this Saturday and I had made plans to go into Spokane to hang out with some friends. Around 7 I got a text message from Caleb's dad. "You need to come get your fucking kid right now." Very next text because I hadnt text him back yet. "And Im not kidding". I text back, "John Im already in Spokane, its your weekend figure it out." I woke up this morning to a text saying, Come get him, Im done. I said fine John, Im on my way. When I picked Caleb up I didnt say one word to him. Caleb came running up to me and didnt even say good-bye to his dad. When we got in the car I told Caleb he didnt have to go back to his dads and he said ok. He paused then said thank you mom. It broke my heart. I have to send my child to a place where he isnt wanted. He only takes Caleb because he doesnt want to look like a dead beat dad to his wife. I dont know what goes on over there and I know that if his dad did anything bad to him he would tell me but I cant send him over there if he isnt going to be loved and treated right. So I have made up my mind. Im going to the courthouse and suing John for the daycare he is supposed to pay, Im also taking his rights away. Im done. I cant have my baby being mistreated. I hope this is the right decision but I dont know what else to do. Im trying to have my sons father in his life but its not good for Caleb to feel like a burden.  

Daycare

Little man is supposed to wear glasses. He doesnt like to but he has an astigmatism in both eyes and they want to try to correct it before he gets into school. If it is corrected he wont need glasses anymore. So since Caleb is working with the kindergarteners I told him that if he wants to see his work he needs to wear his glasses. So he put them on and he was pretty excited about it. When we got to the school I noticed a note on the door saying that they are closed on Monday. I was thinking, Thats weird what the heck is so special about Monday. Well I guess daycares think that all of us work at banks or in schools and get presidents day off. What the heck! Seriously I need to find a babysitter on a Monday because you people think that presidents day is like flippin Christmas. I work for a vending company, people still want their snacks! So I have been freaking out trying to find a sitter and my boss said, hey Shelbey has Monday off from school. Do you want me to ask her if she would want to watch Caleb? Hello life saver! But this brings up a big debate for me. Why do daycares close on holidays like presidents day and Martin Luther King day. People still have to work. Seems they are just going to loose money by closing. I can see that they closed the school but to close the daycare part is a little ridiculous. Oh well, no point in being mad about it, but I will be damned if I have to pay for a day when they closed when I have to pay another babysitter to watch my son. It would be like paying twice for daycare.
Well on a better note, my mom is coming over Saturday to help me clean my house and throw away crap I dont need at my brothers house.My mom is an organizational queen. She also believes if you dont love it, toss it! I also found a storage unit in Post Falls for $40.00 a month and if I pay for the first 2 months I get the third free! Im starting to get really excited about the move. Especially since my neighbors above me decided to get a flippin puppy. Ugh.... I love animals but they are not meant to be in apartments. I can hear it yappin at all hours of the night! Well, I dont think I have anything else to say, Im glad tomorrow if Friday though. Im so done with work!

Facebook stalkers

Her name is Chantel and she is the reason why my sons father and I are not married right now. She tries to be my friend but I cant like her after what she did. I dont hold a grudge but I dont have to like her either. Well last night I posted on Facebook that I was moving. I got a text from her today saying,"Umm... where you moving to?" I said Im moving in with my brother to help him pay his mortgage. She said oh nice. Then I went on Facebook and saw that a number of my friends had asked where I was moving. I said, :Im moving in with Matt. It will be fun. He has a fenced backyard for Caleb to play and it will be good for Caleb to have a male role model in his life. Well she thought I was talking about John(Calebs dad). I wasnt. I was simply implying at home where Caleb lives there are no males around for him to look up to. She freaked out and told me that Caleb has a male influence, his dad and that I shouldnt bash him on facebook. And that I bitch about John not taking Caleb and then bitch when he does take him. I tried to be nice but she pissed me off. The argument went on for a while then I finally just ignored her. I dont even have my sons fathers phone number because she freaks out if we talk. I have to text or call her if I have anything to say about Caleb. Anyways that is why I need to watch what I say on facebook even if I wasnt saying anything bad about anyone, people take things the wrong way because of there own insecurities.I just think it is funny that she cares so much about my life. Guess its because hers sucks.

So it is official, I put my 30 day notice in to leave my apartment today. It is a little bittersweet. I love my place. It is mine! I have worked so hard to get where I am. March 1st it will be two years that I have lived here. I feel bad for taking Caleb from the only home he has ever known. Guess its a good thing he his only 3. My brother called me today and asked if I had looked into a storage unit. Since he has his own washer and dryer, kitchen table, desk, ect. I have to get a storage unit. But he wants to use my couches so we are putting his in the storage. Maybe that will make it feel like home. I also called Time Warner to cancel my internet and the stupid lady, who spoke a lick of  English, told me she was turning off my internet on Feb 18th. I was a little rude at this point because she didnt listen to a word I said. I told her March 15th to turn if off and she thought I said Feb 15th.  I was not in the mood for ignorant people today. After explaining to her for the 3rd time, she finally figured it out. I also have to make it to the Post Office sometime to fill out a change of address. GOD I HATE MOVING! There is so much to do! Im hoping that when Caleb and I move in my brother will slow down on the drinking. He promised no parties. Hopefully he complies. And he said he told Melinda if she is going to do her laundry at the house she has top buy her own laundry soap. I was like hell ya she will. I dont take kindly to people who take advantage of my family and I will not hold my tongue if I see it happening to my brother. Oh gosh I see a fight already. Crap! Ok Im done rambling.
On a better note! Im so happy to say that Caleb, who is only 3 remember, got moved up to the Kindergarten class today. He goes to a daycare/private school, and they said he is bored with the 2 and 3 year olds. He is so far ahead of them cognitively and emotionally that he acts out because he is not being challenged. Well they told me this about 2 weeks ago and he has been in with the pre-k class. Well today Mindi, the kindergarten teacher in the AM class told me that Caleb has been with the Kindergarteners since Monday. She said that Gabe, Caleb's stepbrother, (Yuck I hate saying that), and Caleb fight all the time and it is a struggle to get them to behave. She said Gabe will tease Caleb and Caleb will get mad and punch him. LOL I shouldnt laugh but it is a little finny. Well they decided that the best thing would be to move Caleb up with the Kindergarteners. I asked her why she didnt move Gabe up because he is a year older than Caleb. She said, because Caleb is more advanced than Gabe in all areas. This makes me feel great! I guess I am doing something right as a parent. Wow! My son will be in Kindergarten 2 years in a row but he will be learning so much more! I totally have bragging rights right about.... NOW :)
Oh and Carly, I have not talked to church guy yet. Im a sissy lala. LOL. I will make an effort to sit near him in church(not making it obvious of course) and I will leave after communion like he does. Maybe he will strick up the convo :)

Valentines day!

Having a holiday where people feel obligated to buy their significant other something special puts too much pressure on relationships. I guess I only think this because I envy the people who are in love. Tonight I went to dinner with my friend Brandon. We have both been broken and beat down by past relationships and felt the need to go to dinner to vent about how much we hate the people who have hurt us and to make sure that we realize we are better off without them. Brandon and I met on a dating website(yes laugh if you must). We were both pressured to go on this from friends and through this we became very good friends. I enjoy having him around and I think I keep him around because I see some potential in him for the future. I think that us building our friendship and trying to mend our broken hearts together is helping both of us become stronger people. It is nice to have someone who understands me and wants to hear about my problems and fears. I know Im not emotionally ready to be in a relationship but it doesnt stop me from wanting one. I want to graduate from college and have a steady teaching job before I commit myself to anyone. I have put my goals on hold for far too long and it is time to think about me for once. So to sum it up, Im bitter and jealous of all the people who are in love and think this is a special day. Hopefully next year I will find it special as well, but until then, I have Caleb to be my special Valentine not just on February 14th, but every day of the year.

moving!

Ok I really prayed about what to do and I have decided Caleb and I are moving in with my 23 year old brother Matt. He really needs help financially and I want to help him out. Besides, it will save me about $100 a month, Caleb will have a steady male influence in his life, and I will have a garage to park my car in! And no crazy neighbors whose POT smell seeps through the vent in my bathroom! So as if school, work, and Caleb isnt enough, now I get to throw moving in the mix. I also have to get a storage unit because my stuff will not fit in his house with his stuff. It will be worth it though. He will get help with the mortgage and I get a house! Not mine but still a house! Im excited for this new adventure and hope it will work out. My brothers mean so much to me and I just cant sit back and watch his struggle anymore.

On a totally different tangent, Caleb was a little hellion today! I took him to the falls park in Post Falls today and as we were leaving he starts running up the road to where the parking lot is. Mind you, it was a very nice day today so it was very busy. I told him about 5 times to stop and he proceeded to the parking lot. I realized he wasnt going to stop so I start running after him. He ran his little ass all the way to my car. As soon as I got to my car I swatted him hard on the butt. I usually dont spank but I was furious! How could he just not listen to me. I put him in the carseat and tried to tell him why I was so mad. I told him(in a load voice) that he could have been hit by a car. I was so upset I was crying. And to make it worse, we were on our way to my parents house for the usual sunday night family dinner. Now both of us are crying. I dont know what to do. He has not been listening to me lately and Im getting so frustrated. I do timeouts, I send him to his room, and I even made him stand in the corner with his nose pointed to it. I hate spanking, not that Im against it by any means because I think kids need a swat once in a while. But as the main way to discipline I dont want to do it. I just dont want to spank him. Im at my whits ends with him right now. Im trying so hard to be the best mom I can be. It is just hard being a single parent period! Im hoping it gets better because most of the time he is good, but lately, we are butting heads.

Serious decisions

So I am in a bit of a dilemma. My little brother was engaged and him and his EX fiance bought a house together. Well, 2 months before the wedding she decided she wasnt ready and left him. He has a great job but his mortgage is $1100 a month plus his other bills he is treading in high water. His bills are $200.00 more a month than his income and that is not including gas to get to and from work. So our littlest brother, who is 19 and a freshman in college at NIC decided to move in and pay $250 a month for rent. Well, they got along till my brother who owns the house got a girlfriend who mooches off of Matt. She is super nice but she is a full time student at NIC as well and she practically lives with Matt. She eats all their food, does her laundry there and showers there too. This all costs Matt more money and Michael, our littlest brother is getting irritated with her being a free loader. So Michael told Matt he was moving out because Melinda was a free loader and he is sick of her eating all their food and basically living there for free. Michael is moving back in with our parents. So, I feel bad for Matt. He is broke and he needs to catch a break. I told him that Caleb and I would move in for $500 a month but that there will be some serious rules! NO PARTIES!!!! Matt it 22 and has parties at his house. If I move in they cant happen. Im not sure if it is a good idea to move in. I want to help him out. When me and Calebs dad broke up I had nothing and he helped me out a lot. I feel like I should return the favor. I mean he is my brother and I dont want him to struggle like I did. But I also hope this doesnt ruin our relationship. I have been really thinking about it and praying about it. Im just not sure if I want to have to move Caleb from the only home he has ever known and also what if I cant handle Melinda being there all the time.Im not the type to hold my tongue. I will tell her where to go if she pisses me off. Ugh..... this is a serious decision!

Zumba

Have any of you done Zumba? Well it is a Latina dance workout video with extremely beautiful women who look like they eat nothing! Anyways, my mom and I are doing it at her work. It is so much fun but I have not coordination! I wonder how the hell I was a cheerleader for so many years?! It sure is fun though and I think I get a better workout laughing at myself and my mom.

Before Zumba, I picked Caleb up from daycare, brace yourself, another Caleb story HAHA! So he gets in the car and starts singing, "Peter built the Church on the Rock of Our Faith....." I chime in and start singing with him. He asks me, Mom what is faith? I said well your faith is what you believe in. Like we believe in God and Jesus. He said oh and dropped the subject for a little bit. Then He said, Mom do you know who Peter is? Me, trying to remember, say yes he is one of Jesus' disciples. Caleb: "No he isnt mom, he is Gods friend. I just said ok and dropped it. Not even a minute later he said, "Mom Im telling Teacher Mindi that you called Peter a disciple!" I laughed so hard I started crying! The thinks that boy says cracks me up!

.

blonde moments

I have a pretty laid back job. I have about and hour and a half to two hours of down time everyday at work. So I use my time to do some reading for school. I was doing my reading for the week for my SS 350 class, which I do not like by the way. Well I got really busy really fast with all the drivers coming in and I left my book on my desk at work. Great flippin job Ashley! The assignment was due tonight and I couldnt do it because I had no book! Tell that to a college professor. Im sure they will understand! NOT! Ugh....
Then after I pick Caleb up from daycare I realize that I need to get gas so I pull into the Exxon on Spokane Street and go to get my debit card. I grab my wallet and look inside to see that it is not there. My first thought is, Wow how drunk did I get Saturday night. Where the heck could it be! So I get back in the car and drive home frantic to find it. I tore my purse apart and nothing, looked in the jeans I wore Saturday night and nothing. I finally decided that to pull all the clothes out of the dryer and look in all the pockets of my jeans. As I was pulling every last article of clothing out, there is was all warm and clean, on the bottom of the dryer. THANK YOU GOD! Not that there is much money on the card anyways, I was more worried about getting to work without running out of gas!
Well, although my assignment will be a day late, and I will have to get up early just to get gas in the morning, Im happy to say that my precious angel is finally sleeping in his own bed tonight :) And that I will be going to bed at a decent time tonight. Oh and Carly, because I know you will read this, I took the pill after I had dinner and we are golden! I didnt throw up! Woohoo!!!!!!!!! Oh and your comments make my day!

mixed feelings about today

So every time Caleb comes back from his dad's he sleeps with me for about 4 days. Awesome right?! Anyways, he hogs the bed and moves around so much. Needless to say I didn't sleep very well. Then, my work decided to switch insurance companies and the birth control I was on is not covered by this new insurance. So I have to take the pill again. I hate taking it because it makes me sick. Well I decided this morning that I would eat some yogurt and take a shower and then take the pill. Well that was a bad idea. I was throwing up all morning. I felt like crap but cant go home on a monday because we are super busy and the drivers come in late on Monday's. And this pill is a very low hormone dose. Sorry this might be a little too much information but Im running out of ideas here. This new insurance company sucks and I think they only cover the pill. Grrrr.....
On a good note I started Zumba today! Woohoo bye bye bulge! Im only 5 2" so my goal wight is 110. I think it is feasible. Oh and when I went to Walla Walla this weekend, one of my cousins friends, who is soooooo hott by the way, wrote me on fb today and gave me his number and he said he had a great time and I need to come visit again :) hehehe so I grabbed what little bit of courage I have and wrote him back and I gave him my number. Not that Im getting my hopes up since he lives two and a half hours away, long distance things never work Im sure. But oh well, no harm in chatting it up over texts and facebook :)

Awesome weekend!!!!!

Saturday I left for Walla Walla. I got to my cousins house and we drank a little and watched the UFC fights, which are boring by the way. Then we hit the town. It was a great time! A much needed break. When I got home today I watched the second half of the Super Bowl with my parents. Good Job Packers! I used to like the Steelers but I strongly dislike that Ben dude! I finally got home around 8 and the rude texts started coming. Caleb was with his dad this weekend and he was supposed to have him Saturday night and Sunday night. Well, John obviously cant handle a crying child. Caleb was crying for me and John being the compassionate person that he is, told me to come get my son. So at 9pm Im driving all the way on the other side of Post Falls to pick up my baby. My poor baby says to me, Mommy I was crying and John just left me. Part of me wanted to find him and kick his ass and the other part of me wanted to laugh because he called him John, not dad. HAHA  So I picked Caleb up and John's wife says, sorry, he is really tired and misses you. I wanted to say, No shit dumb ass! Its 9 at night. Duh he is tired! Then we get in the car and Caleb says mommy I missed you. Talk about a total change in my mood. I love having him and Im really getting tired of sharing my son with someone who doesnt even care about him. He only takes Caleb because his wife tells him he should. I try not to dwell on them and let them get to me because that means that they won and I feel like I would be letting them control me. I really just want Caleb to have a good normal life. I dont think thats too much to want. Well I think its time to go lay in bed with my little man.

So much to say!

Ok so first off I want to say that this weekend is going to be so much fun!!!!!!!!! My son is going to his dad and stepmoms house Saturday and Sunday night so Im taking a road trip to Walla Walla to see my cousin :) Im super excited!

Today is my little brothers 23rd birthday! He is such a great brother. He has been through a lot in the last year and a half and I think he is finally figuring himself out which makes me so happy and proud of him. He just bought a house, has a great girlfriend, and a great job as a journeyman. He also let our little brother move in with him. Things are good :)

So Caleb, oh Caleb. haha. Ok so this morning I was putting him in his car seat to take him to my moms because I had to go to work. He said. "Mom, when Im 25 Im going to be the boss just like you." I said, "What makes you think Im the boss?" Caleb: "Because you tell me what to do all the time and you tell me I have to go to school." Me: "Well yes I guess I am the boss but I think your more like my best friend." Caleb: "Well best friends dont wake them up to go to school if they dont want to go." I just busted up laughing. He is smarter than I realize.
Another funny Caleb story. My mom was watching him today and she told me he was getting out of line and not listening so she gave him one swat on the butt. Caleb looked at her and said, Grandma thats rude to spank, my mom doesnt spank me! haha again I laughed hysterically!

My niece Maddisen, who is 6, has a gymnastics meet in Vancouver tomorrow. I wish I lived closer to her. This is her first year competing and she is doing great! Im so proud of her!

Gosh today was a good day and Im looking forward to the weekend. New adventures and Im loving my family more and more these days. Guess Im more appreciative the older I get. Gosh with this new Ashley maybe I will get the guts to ask the guy from church his name! hahahaha maybe :)

Good things

This week and weekend was full of good news. First, my sister called from Portland where my niece had her 2nd ever gymnastics meet. She placed first on the vault, 3rd on the bars, 5th on the floor and 6th on the beam. She got 4th all around out of 25 girls and she is only 6 years old :) So proud of her! Then on monday night my aunt, who lives in Seattle calls and asks if Caleb can be her ring bearer in her wedding this July! I was so excited that she wanted him in the wedding! Then of course I filled my taxes and realized that I can pay off all my bills with my tax return so that was a relief and my cousin is getting married in August! Im so happy for everyone in my family and feel so proud to be apart of their Journeys.
Oh and tonight(another Caleb story). I started putting Caleb to bed at 730 because he has a dentist appointment at 7 am. He is not a morning person by the way. He finally laid down at 815 and when I walked by his room at 9 he was reading a book and telling the story in his own words. It was so cute. How do I tell him to go to bed when he is reading?! I asked him to please put the book away and go to sleep because we have to wake up early and he said, "But mom Im getting smart." I told him he can get smart at school in the morning and he said,"Im already smart in school, I want to be smart at home." I just smiled and said good night. He is seriously the reason I wake up in the morning. I really need to write a journal of all the cute things Caleb says, I could publish it and be rich!!!!!! haha

Love sundays :)

This morning I woke up to Caleb standing right in front of me saying,"Mom can I cuddle you?" Gosh I love him! We got ready and headed to church this morning. He was so funny and kept saying, "Can we leave yet!" Everyone around us was trying not to laugh. For the most part he was good. There is this really cute guy that goes to my church, he is a single dad of a cute little boy who is about a year older than Caleb. I have not had the guts to say hi or ask his name but he smiles at me all the time. Wow I sound like a junior high girl with a little crush. Maybe I do have a little crush?! Oh well, until I have the guts to say hi I dont see anything happening. After church we went to the Breakfast Nook. Then we cuddled on the couch and watched cartoons. Sundays are so relaxing.

TGIF

Wow! This week went by so slow. Work was crazy! We had to fire a driver so the other drivers are picking up his stops which makes them all come in at least an hour later. So when Im scheduled to get off at 4:30 I have been staying till 5 all week. And I get paid salary so no over time for miss Ashley. Im exhausted. This semester has been a challenge and Im hoping I get into a groove with this homework thing or Im going to really struggle. Caleb spent the day with his step-mom(ugh, still not used to that word) today. She has fridays off and since I work I figured at least it saves me money on daycare for Caleb. Plus he really enjoys hanging out with her son Gabe. They are only 7 months apart. She took them to this place in Post Falls called Bounce and Party. It is basically a bunch of those bouncy houses in one big building. They had a lot of fun. I met her there to pick Caleb up and it went well. It feels good not wanting to punch her in the face every time I see her. I think after 2 years Im finally over the hurt. At least enough for me me to be civil. We are not friends by any means, but Im making progress. I guess when you hit rock bottom emotionally the only way you can go is up right? When Caleb and I got home we played Go Fish (he is such a cheater). Then we put a Toy Story 3 puzzle together. He gets so frustrated when he cant do something. Im trying to get him to calm down and relax when he feels frustrated but I think he is doomed to have his mothers temper. After the puzzle he found some addition flash cards that I bought him for Christmas. He wanted to try but he just wasnt getting it. He is only three maybe addition is a little too much for him right now. Maybe we will focus on learning to read first. I bought him two books at Kohls by Eric Carle. He is really liking them right now. So glad I have kept up on reading to him every night before bed. He is pretty advanced for his age, that makes me feel good about myself as a single mom. Now the precious angel is in bed and I can finally get some homework done. So happy this week is over and I can concentrate on school and Caleb for a few days.  

Turning over a new leaf on life

My sons father is married to the girl that he cheated on me with. They have a baby on the way and she already has a son from a different guy. It has been two years since my sons father and I broke up and I still seem to be carrying around hate for them. I was so hurt when everything happened. I felt bad for my son. He not has to be raised in a broken home. He will have a half sibling soon and he already has a step brother. Do I really want more kids? I mean Caleb's life is so complicated and messed up as it is. All I care about is making sure Caleb has the best life possible. Everything I do is for him. Maybe Im too selfish with my time with him that I cant possibly have time for a man in our life. Anyways, I have been on talking terms with Calebs dads wife and I have been trying so hard to get rid of the hate in my heart. Although Calebs dad and I do not get along he has been taking Caleb on his weekends now and has been paying child support finally. I want Caleb to have a relatively stable life. Im trying so hard to get along with them for Calebs sake. Im trying to be a better person and most of all a better mom. Caleb can sense when Im upset. I remember the first time I say Calebs dad and his wife driving in his truck on Seltice in Post Falls. It was summer of 2009 and his dad and I just broke up in January on 2009. When I saw them my heart sank. I felt like I could have thrown up right there in my car. I began to cry. When we got home I fell to the ground and started bawling. Caleb came up to me and started to cry and said, mommy no cry, I love you. He was only two at the time. Caleb has been through so much in his three short years of being in this crazy world. I want to be a better person for me but most of all for him.

Oregon

I am the second oldest of four children, My older sister and I are only 20 months apart. She has four kids of her own and lives in Bend, Oregon. I miss her and her kids vary much! Today we were on the phone and she is really trying to get Caleb and I to move to Bend. Im so torn. I love it there, it is absolutely beautiful and it would be awesome to see my sister everyday but on the other hand, I love Idaho! It is the only home I have ever known. Besides with my sons dad and I being split up, I legally cant move that far away unless he signs a paper saying I can, which he wont because he is a jerk! Besides I dont know if I would have to transfer schools or what. Im not dropping out again because if I do I will never go back. I have too much stress in my life to worry about living situations! Sometimes I feel like screaming at the top on my lungs. Maybe that will help the stress.

Anyways, on a lighter note, work was slow so I got to get some reading done for this class and I was a route short so it meant less work for Ashley! WOOHOO! Also when I picked Caleb up from daycare, I asked him if he had fun at school and he said, ya but I really missed you mom. Your my best friend. Seriously that kid melts my heart everyday!

“The law of love could be best understood and learned through little children”  Gahndi

Irritated

   My son got invited to a Valentines day party with a lot of my friends and their kiddos. I realized that the party is on the weekend his dad gets him. Since the party is only 2 hours long I text his phone and asked if i could take Caleb for a few hours saturday so he could go to his party. His dad being his usual self says, "Well since your cutting into my time why dont I just take his sunday morning and Chantel (his wife) will take the boys so daycare Monday morning (Oh ya, her son and my son go to the same daycare, they are step brothers, Yay me). I said John, then I wont see Caleb till Monday night. That is a long time for me to be away form him! He then proceeded to tell me to grow up and to work with him or he will just take Caleb when he is supposed to and Caleb wont be able to go to the stupid Valentine's party.
    Why does he have to be such an ass all the time? I mean really you reap what you sow buddy and if your life is so horrible that you have to try to make mine horrible, good luck! Im busy with school, work and being a single mommy. I love my life!
   There are so many great quotes that help me when I feel defeated by life and my "baby momma drama". They make me feel strong again. Here are a few that have been such a help to me. Hope you like!

“If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes.” by Corrie Tenboom

"What does not kill me makes me stronger

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~ Mother Teresa

todays adventures

Today I picked Caleb up from his dads house. He was so excited to see me it was great to have him back in my arms. I decided that little man needed new shoes so we stopped at Payless on the way home. I was not sure what size to get him, he is three and has the biggest awkward feet I have ever seen on a little boy. She measured his feet, size 11 1/2! WOW she says! He has big feet. How old is he? I told her he is three and she said Oh my, I thought he was five the way he talks. That was a huge boost in confidence in my parenting abilities. Anyways, Caleb picks out these shoes that light up. As soon as he put them on he says this,"Wow mom! These shoes make me so fast!" Then he begins to run laps around Payless. I try to tell him to stop and he says his shoes wont let him stop. I was glad the lady working thought it was as funny as I did. After Payless I told him we have to go to walmart to get a few things for his lunches for school. Literally a few things! We barely get in the door and he grabs himself and says Oh no mom. I really have to pee. So I leave the basket and head to the bathroom with him. Then he decides it would be a good idea to run ahead of me to the bathroom and go into the mens room. Im trying to stop him but he was at the point of no return. He comes out a little bit later and I asked him if he washed his hands.
"Caleb did you wash your hands?"
"No"
"Why not, thats gross."
"Because he didnt." (as he is pointing to a guy that came out of the bathroom at the same time Caleb did) And do you think the guy heard him? Oh ya, so did about five other people that were standing around us.
Well, it was an interesting and embarrassing day, but I wouldn't change his witty comments for the world!

more Caleb!

I still have not found what exactly I want to talk about. I want to be intriguing but the only thing that is ever in my mind is school and Caleb. Sad I know. Well today my little man decided to dress himself. I didnt hear him get up, I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. When I opened the door I was surprised to see that his light was on. When I opened his door he had a kitchen chair pulled up to his large dresser. He was standing on the chair buck naked and said, "Mom Im going to get dressed all by myself!" I praised him and was very proud of him for being a big boy. Until I saw what he had put on. Blue sweats, a maroon shirt and a blue basketball sweatband on his wrist. Good thing he is only three. I let him wear it to school. He loves that him and mommy both go to school, although he doesn't quite understand how I do homework on the computer. He thinks the computer is just for watching funny videos on youtube and checking facebook. Oops. Bad mommy. Well not sure what else to write for today. I will try to find more intriguing topics to write about soon. Till then, its my, funny things Caleb does and says diary!

caleb

I find myself always talking about my son. Probably because he is an only child and it is just him and I. Yesterday on the way home from Super 1 he says, Mom Im not going to call you mommy anymore. I asked him why not. He replies, "because babys call moms mommy and I will be 4 in June so Im not a baby anymore." I reply,"Well you will always be my baby." Caleb: "But mom one day I will be as tall as you and you cant call me baby when I am because when Im taller I will call you baby." Oh the things he says to me.Ok so Im not going to write about my son all semester, I promise. Im not sure what I want to talk about though. I will think about it and when I decide I will let you know. But for now, Im boring you with, "Cute things Caleb says".
Ashley

New

Just practicing. Seeing how this blog thing works. 25 and computer illiterate is not a good thing