Love sundays :)

This morning I woke up to Caleb standing right in front of me saying,"Mom can I cuddle you?" Gosh I love him! We got ready and headed to church this morning. He was so funny and kept saying, "Can we leave yet!" Everyone around us was trying not to laugh. For the most part he was good. There is this really cute guy that goes to my church, he is a single dad of a cute little boy who is about a year older than Caleb. I have not had the guts to say hi or ask his name but he smiles at me all the time. Wow I sound like a junior high girl with a little crush. Maybe I do have a little crush?! Oh well, until I have the guts to say hi I dont see anything happening. After church we went to the Breakfast Nook. Then we cuddled on the couch and watched cartoons. Sundays are so relaxing.

TGIF

Wow! This week went by so slow. Work was crazy! We had to fire a driver so the other drivers are picking up his stops which makes them all come in at least an hour later. So when Im scheduled to get off at 4:30 I have been staying till 5 all week. And I get paid salary so no over time for miss Ashley. Im exhausted. This semester has been a challenge and Im hoping I get into a groove with this homework thing or Im going to really struggle. Caleb spent the day with his step-mom(ugh, still not used to that word) today. She has fridays off and since I work I figured at least it saves me money on daycare for Caleb. Plus he really enjoys hanging out with her son Gabe. They are only 7 months apart. She took them to this place in Post Falls called Bounce and Party. It is basically a bunch of those bouncy houses in one big building. They had a lot of fun. I met her there to pick Caleb up and it went well. It feels good not wanting to punch her in the face every time I see her. I think after 2 years Im finally over the hurt. At least enough for me me to be civil. We are not friends by any means, but Im making progress. I guess when you hit rock bottom emotionally the only way you can go is up right? When Caleb and I got home we played Go Fish (he is such a cheater). Then we put a Toy Story 3 puzzle together. He gets so frustrated when he cant do something. Im trying to get him to calm down and relax when he feels frustrated but I think he is doomed to have his mothers temper. After the puzzle he found some addition flash cards that I bought him for Christmas. He wanted to try but he just wasnt getting it. He is only three maybe addition is a little too much for him right now. Maybe we will focus on learning to read first. I bought him two books at Kohls by Eric Carle. He is really liking them right now. So glad I have kept up on reading to him every night before bed. He is pretty advanced for his age, that makes me feel good about myself as a single mom. Now the precious angel is in bed and I can finally get some homework done. So happy this week is over and I can concentrate on school and Caleb for a few days.  

Turning over a new leaf on life

My sons father is married to the girl that he cheated on me with. They have a baby on the way and she already has a son from a different guy. It has been two years since my sons father and I broke up and I still seem to be carrying around hate for them. I was so hurt when everything happened. I felt bad for my son. He not has to be raised in a broken home. He will have a half sibling soon and he already has a step brother. Do I really want more kids? I mean Caleb's life is so complicated and messed up as it is. All I care about is making sure Caleb has the best life possible. Everything I do is for him. Maybe Im too selfish with my time with him that I cant possibly have time for a man in our life. Anyways, I have been on talking terms with Calebs dads wife and I have been trying so hard to get rid of the hate in my heart. Although Calebs dad and I do not get along he has been taking Caleb on his weekends now and has been paying child support finally. I want Caleb to have a relatively stable life. Im trying so hard to get along with them for Calebs sake. Im trying to be a better person and most of all a better mom. Caleb can sense when Im upset. I remember the first time I say Calebs dad and his wife driving in his truck on Seltice in Post Falls. It was summer of 2009 and his dad and I just broke up in January on 2009. When I saw them my heart sank. I felt like I could have thrown up right there in my car. I began to cry. When we got home I fell to the ground and started bawling. Caleb came up to me and started to cry and said, mommy no cry, I love you. He was only two at the time. Caleb has been through so much in his three short years of being in this crazy world. I want to be a better person for me but most of all for him.

Oregon

I am the second oldest of four children, My older sister and I are only 20 months apart. She has four kids of her own and lives in Bend, Oregon. I miss her and her kids vary much! Today we were on the phone and she is really trying to get Caleb and I to move to Bend. Im so torn. I love it there, it is absolutely beautiful and it would be awesome to see my sister everyday but on the other hand, I love Idaho! It is the only home I have ever known. Besides with my sons dad and I being split up, I legally cant move that far away unless he signs a paper saying I can, which he wont because he is a jerk! Besides I dont know if I would have to transfer schools or what. Im not dropping out again because if I do I will never go back. I have too much stress in my life to worry about living situations! Sometimes I feel like screaming at the top on my lungs. Maybe that will help the stress.

Anyways, on a lighter note, work was slow so I got to get some reading done for this class and I was a route short so it meant less work for Ashley! WOOHOO! Also when I picked Caleb up from daycare, I asked him if he had fun at school and he said, ya but I really missed you mom. Your my best friend. Seriously that kid melts my heart everyday!

“The law of love could be best understood and learned through little children”  Gahndi

Irritated

   My son got invited to a Valentines day party with a lot of my friends and their kiddos. I realized that the party is on the weekend his dad gets him. Since the party is only 2 hours long I text his phone and asked if i could take Caleb for a few hours saturday so he could go to his party. His dad being his usual self says, "Well since your cutting into my time why dont I just take his sunday morning and Chantel (his wife) will take the boys so daycare Monday morning (Oh ya, her son and my son go to the same daycare, they are step brothers, Yay me). I said John, then I wont see Caleb till Monday night. That is a long time for me to be away form him! He then proceeded to tell me to grow up and to work with him or he will just take Caleb when he is supposed to and Caleb wont be able to go to the stupid Valentine's party.
    Why does he have to be such an ass all the time? I mean really you reap what you sow buddy and if your life is so horrible that you have to try to make mine horrible, good luck! Im busy with school, work and being a single mommy. I love my life!
   There are so many great quotes that help me when I feel defeated by life and my "baby momma drama". They make me feel strong again. Here are a few that have been such a help to me. Hope you like!

“If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes.” by Corrie Tenboom

"What does not kill me makes me stronger

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~ Mother Teresa

todays adventures

Today I picked Caleb up from his dads house. He was so excited to see me it was great to have him back in my arms. I decided that little man needed new shoes so we stopped at Payless on the way home. I was not sure what size to get him, he is three and has the biggest awkward feet I have ever seen on a little boy. She measured his feet, size 11 1/2! WOW she says! He has big feet. How old is he? I told her he is three and she said Oh my, I thought he was five the way he talks. That was a huge boost in confidence in my parenting abilities. Anyways, Caleb picks out these shoes that light up. As soon as he put them on he says this,"Wow mom! These shoes make me so fast!" Then he begins to run laps around Payless. I try to tell him to stop and he says his shoes wont let him stop. I was glad the lady working thought it was as funny as I did. After Payless I told him we have to go to walmart to get a few things for his lunches for school. Literally a few things! We barely get in the door and he grabs himself and says Oh no mom. I really have to pee. So I leave the basket and head to the bathroom with him. Then he decides it would be a good idea to run ahead of me to the bathroom and go into the mens room. Im trying to stop him but he was at the point of no return. He comes out a little bit later and I asked him if he washed his hands.
"Caleb did you wash your hands?"
"No"
"Why not, thats gross."
"Because he didnt." (as he is pointing to a guy that came out of the bathroom at the same time Caleb did) And do you think the guy heard him? Oh ya, so did about five other people that were standing around us.
Well, it was an interesting and embarrassing day, but I wouldn't change his witty comments for the world!

more Caleb!

I still have not found what exactly I want to talk about. I want to be intriguing but the only thing that is ever in my mind is school and Caleb. Sad I know. Well today my little man decided to dress himself. I didnt hear him get up, I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. When I opened the door I was surprised to see that his light was on. When I opened his door he had a kitchen chair pulled up to his large dresser. He was standing on the chair buck naked and said, "Mom Im going to get dressed all by myself!" I praised him and was very proud of him for being a big boy. Until I saw what he had put on. Blue sweats, a maroon shirt and a blue basketball sweatband on his wrist. Good thing he is only three. I let him wear it to school. He loves that him and mommy both go to school, although he doesn't quite understand how I do homework on the computer. He thinks the computer is just for watching funny videos on youtube and checking facebook. Oops. Bad mommy. Well not sure what else to write for today. I will try to find more intriguing topics to write about soon. Till then, its my, funny things Caleb does and says diary!

caleb

I find myself always talking about my son. Probably because he is an only child and it is just him and I. Yesterday on the way home from Super 1 he says, Mom Im not going to call you mommy anymore. I asked him why not. He replies, "because babys call moms mommy and I will be 4 in June so Im not a baby anymore." I reply,"Well you will always be my baby." Caleb: "But mom one day I will be as tall as you and you cant call me baby when I am because when Im taller I will call you baby." Oh the things he says to me.Ok so Im not going to write about my son all semester, I promise. Im not sure what I want to talk about though. I will think about it and when I decide I will let you know. But for now, Im boring you with, "Cute things Caleb says".
Ashley

New

Just practicing. Seeing how this blog thing works. 25 and computer illiterate is not a good thing